I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
