She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
