So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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