I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
