She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
