She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
