Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
