Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
