You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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