census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Every concussion has its silver lining
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
