Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
