why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
