Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
