I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
