i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
