i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
