I just cut my nipple shaving
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
