aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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