do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
