dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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