This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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