His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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