And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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