guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
