HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
