also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
