3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
