remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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