I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
