why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
