I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
