So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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