Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
