theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
