I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
