apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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