I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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