Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
