drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
