Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
