how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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