Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
