If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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