somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
