Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
