Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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