Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
