Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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