Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
youre lurking in front of me
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
