shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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