you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
