I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
