Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
