who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
What a dumb baby whore.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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