So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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