I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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